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Go Like A Pro: What’s Really Up with Female Urinary Devices?

 In backpacking skills, camping, gear, Hiking Skills, Mountain Skills, Reviews, Skills, Snow Skills

Sometimes being a chick in the woods is a total drag. Have you ever tried to pee in a pile of snowy fluff? How about peeing with camp sandals on? In a harness? Let’s face it: no one likes to smell like pee. A female urinary device, or chick dick, gives you the total freedom to go with gusto and not have to worry about splatter and spillage. Here’s all you need to know about female urine funnels. From what to look for when you buy to how to use a female urinary device. Rock on ladies! Freedom is finally here!

Things are going to get graphic here, but sorry, not sorry. This is some #realtalk and there’s no need to be bashful. We all make bodily waste, regardless of sex. And if you’re one of those people who think chicks don’t fart, you’ve never been backpacking with a lady dirtbag before.

What the Heck is a Female Urine Funnel Anyway?

In essence, a female urinary device is a funnel with a small tube that allows you go standing up. I’ve heard it lovingly referred to as a chick dick. You don’t have to worry about a split stream, peeing down your butt, splashing your feet and clothing, or any of the other horrible things that can occur when you pop a squat. And let’s be honest, it’s really fun to spell your name with your own pee in the snow. Imagine doing that while hovering above the white, fluffy cold stuff! Hmm, maybe I’m on to the next twerking fad…

summit of pacific peak

Worry-free summits are A-OK with me!

Free the Pee: Tips for First Timers

Actually getting yourself to pee while standing up takes a bit of practice. All of your life, you have been taught that this will end in disaster. My first time gave me stage fright, but after one use I was completely hooked.

Keep the seal between your body and the funnel tight. Don’t cut off circulation, but a firm hold helps! Be sure the tube is pointed in an upside-down banana shape (like a U), this will keep the stream pointed outward and not towards your toes. And always aim with the wind.

For the first few times, feel free to put your pants at your ankles like a toddler. Once you’ve got the hang of it you can easily make moves with your pants on and bum fully covered. Lastly, when you’re finished scoop up any drips by sliding the device past your lady parts. Toss the device away from you as you pull it across so any excess doesn’t dribble on your clothing. If you’re lucky, you won’t even have to wipe. Seriously lady dirtbags, it’s the best thing since Velcro!

Confession: Leveling Up

One time, I was camping alone in my teardrop camper in Utah. It had been really rainy, which made for a muddy situation. The thought of rolling out of bed in the middle of the night to tinkle and caking my shoes in mud, then beating the mud off of them before I put them back in the camper sounded awful.

So I tried something bold. I thought I could stand on my knees on the mattress and pee out the window. Advanced topics! But I had seen boys do worse things, so I thought, how hard could this be? Well, it was a complete disaster and let’s just say I had to change my clothes…EWWWW!

What Fabulous Features to Look for when Purchasing Your Female Urinary Device

When I carefully pulled the various knick-knacks out of my stocking last Christmas, I was thrilled to see a Sani-Fem Freshette at the bottom. Not kidding, I have been dropping obvious hints about this for several years. Squirrel looked a bit shocked at my excitement.

“I have no idea what I was looking for, so I just bought the most expensive one. I’m not entirely confident it’s even any good.” He stammered.

best female urinary device

Female urinary devices, or she-wee or chick dicks make quick work of snowy situations.

That typical male reply and logic work in Sani-Fem’s favor. Total marketing genius right there. However, after using the Freshette and speaking with a few of my mountain pals who also use chick dicks informed me that he made the correct choice.

You want a device with a hard-plastic funnel. This ensures a good seal between you and the device. I have never encountered any leakage with the Freshette. You also want to make sure it can collapse easily for quick, compact storage.

Shape also plays a role in finding your perfect wee companion. I prefer a wider funnel, simply because it won’t fill up too quickly and I don’t have to hold back if I really need to go.

Are you looking to up your wilderness game? Do you crave being a kick-ass wild woman? Check out my ebook: The Lady Dirtbag’s Ultimate Guide to Freedom. Learn all the tips and tricks that everyone is too afraid to talk about.

Keeping Your Female Urinary Device Clean and Sparkly is a Breeze

The backcountry can be a dirty place, there’s no doubt about that. Many folks are grossed out by bodily functions. You aren’t one of them. After spending any amount of time in the outdoors living off of high-fat foods and salt without a shower, your definition of clean changes.

I keep my woman’s pee funnel wrapped up so she stays nice and protected. I wrap her in a bit of cloth or an old bandana so when I’m not using it, she doesn’t drip any excess into the contents of my pack. At the end of each day, I’ll pour a little bit of water through the system to clear out any residual urine. In winter, I’ll simply place her in the snow.

peeing in a harness

When I’m in the high alpine the last thing I want to worry about is popping a squat!

Upon returning home, the Freshette gets a warm, soapy scrub down with dish soap. Just like a man, I take pride in my junk, even if it’s plastic. I’ve used mine for multiple days, in dirty situations and never noticed a residual smell or buildup.

There you have it. An honest look at female urinary devices. Honestly, the ability to stand when you pee is something our male counterparts take for granted. With this handy go-hose, you’ll be able to experience a cleaner, better backcountry.

Looking for more fem-focused content? Well, I’ve got an arsenal of badass tips for the outdoorsy woman. Check it out!

Curious about female urinary funnels? These devices allow for women to pee standing up, making for quick work of number ones in the backcountry, on road trips and more. Here's everything you need to know about selecting, using and maintaining a female urinary device. #outdoorgear  #outdoorwomen #outdoors #hiking

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Showing 2 comments
  • Kreete Tokman
    Reply

    Brilliant! I just bought my first one and was a little worried how it will go on a trek with the cleanliness hehe. Havent tested it out yet, but better get practising before my tip to Kilimanjaro in August! Thanks for the insight!

    • foxintheforest
      Reply

      Hi Kreete,
      I’m glad you found this helpful. It’s a little strange at first, but totally easy once you get the hang of it. I just used it on a 5-day trip and had zero issues. It should serve you well on Kili. Have fun!

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